Diplomatic Immunity
by Zergface
Summary: The first Earthly Embassy sets up shop in Planeptune, followed by others. What will go wrong?
1. Chapter 1

Ambassador Perry Bennings was surprised he got the job to begin with, but when he was told he was to represent the United States at the brand new embassy in Planeptune, he could hardly believe his eyes. For the next three days after the young man got the news, he had to check the letter over and over to make sure it wasn't just a dream.

The last time he read the letter was yesterday.

And now he was cruising smoothly in a black limousine towards the embassy with his face plastered on the window. The nightlife of Planeptune bustled just like he imagined it would, yet there were so many things that he could never imagine to exist.

Weapon shops with swords and strange-looking guns in the window caught his eyes like moths to a lamp. The completely new weapons and clothes being sold dazzled the new ambassador.

Hard to believe things came so fast! Hard to believe this was happening at all!

The bountiful lights of shops, buildings and cameras flashing in his eyes blinded him and made his jaw drop in awe.

The people walking the streets stopped and stared when they saw the American flags waving on the car, all of the gawkers left to ponder who exactly was inside.

 _An alien? An enemy? Or a friend?_

He hoped they would see him as a friend. He hoped they would see his country as a friend. This was, after all, a whole new world. Diplomatic relations start from scratch. Something he wasn't quite prepared for. But he liked challenges, and this wasn't no exception.

The limousine pulled over to the side of the road, and when Perry gazed out the window… he wasn't expecting what he saw.

It was your standard two story building made from your typical city material. No marble, no chandeliers hanging from a balcony- which didn't exist in the first place. The space between the door and the street was could be counted in just a tiny number of feet. The heavy wood door was open and inviting, however, an an American embassy guard stood in the doorway to greet him.

But in essence, the sight of the new embassy was underwhelming.

Perry shrugged off all feelings of doubt, and pushed open the door.

The air was cold, colder than the regulated temperature of the limousine. But that didn't bother him nearly as much as the phenomenal number of cameras snapping photos of him.

Seemingly an endless sea of news reporters and journalists held up live-TV cameras, expensive picture taking cameras and microphones, begging the new arrival for information on his unknown native country.

Perry Bennings shrugged off the flashing lights and pushed onwards for the building. He did have an image to uphold.

But the moment he shut the limousine door behind him, a purple and white figure darted out from the crowd, leaping like a gazelle over dozens of heads, and smacked Perry right off his feet with a solid oomph!

"Hiya hiya!" She exclaimed. "You're that new ambassador fellow Histy's been talking about, huh?" The girl pinned Perry to the ground, whose eyes were jutted out in debilitating fear as he flailed his arms in the air.

She gave him a moment to respond, as if he could answer her question. But all Perry could make out was a dignified " _gawhshahahgetoffmehahahsfh_ " with his face pushed into the sidewalk, his official uniform getting dirtied.

Dozens of cameras snapped pictures at the exciting scene as the girl laughed.

"You're funny, you know that? I never expected such a pish posh official dude to say something like that!" She chuckled, lying down on Perry's helpless back. "Oh! Histy says the best way for two countries to get along is to get close. As close as possible- that's what she said for sure. And as instant besties, I'm sure that's gonna be just fine. No sweat!" She winked off into the crowd.

She flipped around onto her back, lying on Perry as if he were a bed.

"So… what's your name again?" She asked innocently.

But before anything could be said by the diplomatic victim, an embassy guard dashed over to the scene.

"Ma'am, get off of the ambassador right now!" He demanded, drawing his M4 rifle.

"Whoa there buddyroo, didn't mean to get on ya bad side there!" She hopped off Perry all nonchalant-like, and the guard raised an eyebrow.

"Please get off the property, miss." He demanded once again as the young man struggled to his feet, dazed.

"Geez, why so pushy? I thought we were supposed to be besties!" She pouted, giving him big puppy dog eyes.

Intimidated, he stepped back nervously. He scrambled for his earpiece, speaking rapidly.

"I- I need backup at the front door! She's-" The guard squeezed his eyes shut, trying not to fall victim to the eyes. "She's-"

"Hey! Cut it out you guys." A brown haired girl wearing a heavy blue coat stepped out of the crowd. She stared at the guard with her piercing green eyes, then shifted her sharp gaze over to the assailant. "Neptune, what do you think you're doing?"

"Iffy! Just the gal I was lookin' for!" The purple haired girl, now known as Neptune, reached over to give 'Iffy' a big, friendly hug. Unfortunately, Neptune's face met her extended hand.

"D'aww!" Neptune pouted, crossing her arms. "IF! What's the big idea?"

"You need to mind your manners! This is going to make for a terrible first impression of Planeptune." IF turned to face Perry, who was just as confused as the guard. "Hey, I'm really sorry about that. Neptune really doesn't seem like a Goddess, but fortunately or unfortunately," IF sighed. "That's who you're going to be working with."

The cameras kept going off as the news reporters quieted down so their microphones could catch all the juicy details that were flying around.

"Please, let's come inside." The guard said, lowering his weapon and waving Perry towards the door. He pressed his finger to his earpiece. "Looks like the situation is under control, we're good."

The four people shuffled inside quickly, not wanting to be out where the paparazzi would stalk them. Except for Neptune, who kept flashing the reporters all sorts of funny looks and pulling off silly stunts as they went inside.

That confused the ambassador a ton.

 _Is that… Neptune lady really the leader of Planeptune?_ He thought, slowly but surely realizing that his work was going to be cut out for him.

But he read the books. He knew that Neptune was the name of Planeptune's CPU, but he had no idea that she was so… crazy? Strange? Eccentric?

He couldn't find the right word to describe her, and all efforts to do so were shattered when they entered the building. The guard guided the trio down to the left, to a cozy living room.

The walls were painted a soothing light brown, and there were two bland couches pressed up against adjacent walls. There was a big TV in the opposite corner from the couches, and in the middle of the room was a low table. One large window dominated the wall facing the street, but it was covered by a curtain. The floor was covered in a soft rug, completing the look.

"Fwaaaah!" Neptune sighed, collapsing on the couch, sprawling out her legs and arms lazily.

Perry blinked. The guard blinked.

IF hurried over to Neptune and tugged on her shoulders.

"C'mon Nep! You gotta get up!" She pulled and pulled as hard as she could on the lazy CPU, who started to snore. "This isn't your couch!"

Neptune opened an eye. "This isn't?" She rolled over into her tush, almost bouncing in glee. "Well, whaddya know?" She winked at Perry, who just looked over at the guard. The man merely shrugged in response.

IF took a seat next to the troublesome Goddess, shaking her head. The guard stood in the corner of the room, hands wearily gripping his weapon.

"Uhh…" The ambassador started, making his way to the couch next to Neptune. "My name is Ambassador Perry Bennings, I will be representing the United States of America during my stay here in Planeptune."

"Booooooring!" Neptune yawned, stretching her arms out wide. "You got any games around here, Pear Pear?"

"Pear pear?" The guard scoffed, unable to hold himself back from snickering.

"Hey… you seem like a fun kinda guy, minus the gun and all," Neptune clambered onto her knees, resting an arm atop the rear of the couch. "What's your name?"

The guard raised his eyebrows in shock. He wasn't really supposed to be part of the diplomatic mission… but if the leader of this new nation wanted his name, he figured it would be best to answer.

"It's Quincy."

"Boo!" She frowned. "How's Qui? No… how about Cee Cee? No…" Neptune furrowed her eyebrows, deep in thought. "Either my nicknaming skills have diminished over the years, or your name just stinks!" She jutted a accusing finger out towards Quincy.

IF quickly grabbed the immature girl's hand, pushing her back into a sitting position.

"Once again, Mr. Bennings, I'm terribly sorry about her actions…" IF spoke.

"No need to apologize, each country has their own unique culture to it." He smiled.

"Uh…" IF started. "She's actually a unique case."

"Oh." Perry stated, sliding back in his seat. "I.. see."

Neptune poked her hand into the air, squealing in anticipation. The sight was new to the ambassador, but he didn't really mind it in the end.

"Yes?" He answered her like a teacher would a student.

"What now?" THe CPU asked.

"I was actually going to do some reading then get to sleep," Perry placed a hand on the back of his neck nervously. "I wasn't exactly expecting the CPU to pop up… so you have something to say?"

"Not really… that's a bummer." Neptune pouted. "Well, I'll see ya tomorrow!" She jumped out of the couch, immediately starting for the door. "This story won't be moving without the protag', now would it?"

"Yeah, you need time to unpack and all. I'm sorry for the sudden intrusion, ambassador." IF got up as well, giving him a short bow in condolence. Neptune shot over to her friend, and with a crazed grin, tugged her towards the door.

"Wha!" IF was swept off her feet, caught by the tide of Nep.

"Alright, alright, alright!" The Goddess sang. "See'ya tomorrooooooow!"

And she slammed the front door shut behind her. Just like that, she was gone. Perry's heart was still beating fast, frightened that something could've gone wrong during this improvised meeting.

After wiping his forehead with a hand for nervous sweat. He also got off the couch.

"Thank you for supporting me, Quincy." Perry thanked, holding out a hand to the guard.

"It's my job, sir." He took it, shaking it with a firm grip. "Those Gamindustrians… you think they're all like that?"

"I'd hope not." The ambassador sighed. "I don't know if I'd be able to stand it."

"I agree." Quincy stared out into the distance with a sobered expression. "That Histoire oracle, she only let four of our guards into their dimension. If they decide to turn on us, we're doomed."

Perry nodded. This was supposed to be an expedition to make friends and exchange cultures, but that limited exchange made him worry this was a struggle for survival. At least, a struggle for sanity.

"We'll make it. If the local law enforcement is fast enough, anyways." Perry affirmed, patting Quincy on the shoulder. "Call me Perry if you'd like, there isn't a need to be formal when nobody's around."

"I guess so." Quincy's head drooped. It had been a long day for the embassy staff, who arrived earlier today to make the building suitable for a government building.

One janitor, three officials, four guards and one ambassador. That's all that Planeptune allowed to cross over, at least for now. They had just made first contact, and so far very little was known about the other people except from several books send over in a bilateral information exchange.

Things would expand eventually, that Perry knew. He heard that the French were going to send a delegation by next week, followed by the Australians. But things were subject to change, as things were still very fresh and new for everyone.

But even if so much history was going down, people still got tired. And Perry was exhausted.

"Perry, you okay?" Quincy asked, tilting his head.

"Ah, I'm fine. Lost in thought, that's all." The ambassador nodded. "Think you can take me to my room?"

"That's my job, Mr. Bennings." The guard led the way out of the room, up a carpeted staircase and into a narrow hallway. They took two turns until they reached a door at the end of a hall. It was a small building, but to Perry, it still felt like a maze. He'd get used to it, along with everything else in this new world.

Perry stepped inside, eyelids drooping ever so softly. He turned to face his newfound friend, giving him a wave. "I'll be fine for now, I'll catch you tomorrow."

"Yeah, it's going to be a busy day." Quincy let out a puff of air, sliding out into the hall. "Have a good night."

"You too." Perry shut the door with one hand, then turned his attention to the rest of the room. His room for at least the next four years, unless something big happened.

It was a moderately large room, completely square and colored the same brown as the living room. There was one large, white bed leaning against the opposite wall, with a television across from it. There were a few windows behind the bed, and outside he could see a wide street with a few press crews still filming his arrival.

A dresser to his right contained several spare changes of both casual and official changes of clothes. A rug sprawled across the floor, and when Perry slid his shoes and socks off his weary feet, his bare toes felt wonderful.

But that was it for the big things- nothing really fancy or anything. Just barebones, much like the rest of the building.

Perry ran a hand through his dark hair as let himself fall down on the bed. He ran his fingers across the fluffy blanket, it's fabric feeling luxurious to him.

Tomorrow was going to be a big day. He had to meet with Histoire, the second ruling figure that essentially ran the country, at least that's from what he told. Then he was supposed to meet the rest of other nation's Console Patron Units at one big formal meeting in Planeptune's Basilicom. And finally, he was supposed to Skype the president. No biggie.

But after seeing Neptune today, he doubted the midday meeting was going to be very formal.

To prepare himself for such an occasion, he knew he would need adequate sleep. No using his work laptop to browse the local internet. Not tonight.

His eyes trailed over to the dresser, where his black laptop sat. It taunted him, gleaming in the waning light of the bedroom.

Oh, what the hell! It's for work purposes. He justified to himself, arching his whole back over to grab it. After all, I need to learn more about Gamindustri. Right?

* * *

 _Ugh…_

Perry's grubby eyes strained to open in the morning light streaming in through the windows.

 _Is it time to wake up already?_

With a frown, he set his eyes on the clock above the door.

7:45. Eh, he still had fifteen minutes.

With a smile on his face and a dream of delicious, juicy hamburgers, the ambassador slowly but surely drifted back to sleep.

Until he heard the shout.

"FUACK YOU AMELIKAN PIGGU DOGGUS!"

Something round and hard slapped the window to Perry's right, filtering the sunlight into a sort of yellow-white.

Did he seriously just get egged?

"GO HOME AMELIKAN ASSHOEES"

Another splatter of something nasty smashed into the glass, forcing Perry to his feet. Luckily he still wore his work clothes from yesterday; we was much too tired to take them off after his lengthy gaming… err… research session.

Still rubbing the sleep from his eyes, Perry squinted out the window.

Sure enough, he did get egged. A few times, actually. At least he knew that the window would protect him against small impacts from angry natives.

Wait a second. Those aren't natives!

Across the street a raising flag caught Perry's eyes.

 _Oh no._

The blue, red and white of a very particular flag started to flutter in the morning wind. Two large banners hung from some of the windows, and four men stood in the middle of the street between his building and theirs, holding a carton of eggs each.

It was the fucking North Koreans!

"You gotta be shitting me!" He exclaimed as another egg smashed into his window.

"FACKA YOU AMELIKA!"

"Damn it damn it damn it!" Perry spun around, running for the door.

He opened the door, and right in front of him was Quincy, hold up his fist and about to knock. Their eyes met each other's in surprise, trying to alert each other about the same thing.

Perry spoke first. "W-we're going to have to cancel the first meeting. Call the Basilicom and tell them that we are being _egged of all things_ by our new, unexpected neighbors."

Quincy didn't have to be told twice, and rushed down to the main office of the embassy.

Perry, not quite sure on what to do, ran around the building, looking for the stairs to go up to the roof. Once he had found them, he jogged up, panting heavily.

He pushed open the door to the roof, and the blinding morning light dazzled him for a second. A warm gust of wind slid past his cheeks , making him feel a little more awake than he did earlier. Once his eyes adjusted to the light, he just stood there for a second, taking in the awe inspiring Planeptune cityscape.

It was so lively, despite being so early in the morning. Which wasn't a good thing in his case. How this USA/DPRK clash goes over in this new world will seriously influence how Gamindustri views each country- and just about everyone would be here to see it.

Perry hobbled across the roof, past a few skylights and the American Flag for the side where the North Koreans were. And the the moment he showed his face, they adjusted their aim straight for him.

"HEY! CUT IT OU- oof!" Perry shouted until an egg smacked him in his upper chest, and the yolk splattered all across his outfit.

The sticky egg stuff made him cringe a little, but he ignored it and leaned back over the edge, waving his arms out, trying to say 'stop'.

It didn't seem to be working, as the Koreans kept throwing eggs at the building.

"AMRLIKAN STINK LIKE CRAPITARIST DO!" One of the four shouted, and the whole group burst into laughter.

A large crowd had already started to develop around the street, with men, women and children alike all watching the scene with mixed expressions. Some shouted things that couldn't be heard over the dull roar of the crowd, while others hopped into their phones calling the police.

But in the end, the Koreans didn't do anything different and kept throwing eggs until they had run out. Once all their ammunition had been expended, they started talking to each other in Korean before walking back to their embassy.

The police arrived, their cars pushing slowly through the crowd until reaching the front of the embassy, but they couldn't enter the building.

As the seconds turned to minutes, and minutes dragged on and on, Perry slowly realized why the Koreans weren't getting arrested and why he was still covered in egg.

 _Diplomatic immunity._

What a stupid thing.

Upset and smelling of poultry, the American ambassador walked back inside in defeat. Things might not be able to be done right now, but after a shower and maybe some breakfast, ol' Donny Trump's gonna have a field day on twitter with this one.

* * *

"Nepu!" Neptune frowned on the Basilicom living quarter's couch. The TV was on, and unfortunately for her, Histoire had the bright idea to switch the channel.

And she was in the middle of an awesome show about how cool she was, too! Documentaries can be okay, as long as it's about the one and only CPU of Planeptune.

Well, there was Nepgear, who sat indifferently on the couch, but she didn't count. At least, not when she wasn't fighting for her show!

"Neptune!" Histoire, the book-fairy oracle of Planeptune, held the television remote out in front of her. It seemed a bit silly- the remote was just as tall as she was! "Stop fussing and act like your sister. There are more important things going on right now, such as current events!"

"Current events?" The CPU groaned. "Histy, why do you do this to me? What torture do you stay up all night _scheming_?"

"Those Koreans you said seemed cool? Well, maybe we should've done some more research, as they're not getting along at all!" The oracle said, shrugging off the question and raising the volume of the television.

It was a news broadcast displaying the scene right from the ground. A woman was talking rapidly about something that Neptune didn't really care about, but the pictures were telling a story all on their own.

Four men with funny looking suits were throwing eggs at those American fellows next door! How rude!

They should be glad to be housed next to one another. After all, wouldn't it be nice to have your neighbors come from the same world? Why do they have to be so rude and throw perfectly good eggs at each other? Some things, Neptune thought, never turn out okay.

"Now, I want both of you," Histoire glared at Nepgear, who squeaked at the sharp stare. "To go out there and fix this!"

Neptune fidgeted with her thumbs, looking down at the ground. Nepgear stared with her eyes open at her sister, waiting for something to happen.

"Now!" Histoire shouted, and Neptune jumped up.

"Geez, you didn't have to get all pissy, Histy!" Neptune slowly danced over to the door, taunting Histoire. Nepgear hobbled behind her sister, running to the door as well.

But just then, Histoire's tiny cell phone buzzed in her pocket. She swiftly fished it out with a frown, and answered.

It was from the American embassy.

"Neptune, Nepgear, hold on just a moment." Histoire said, and Nepgear froze.

Neptune, who was already halfway out the door, tiptoed back into the room. With curious ears, the purple haired- Goddess crept up to her oracle.

"Mhm." Histoire nodded, and after a few more seconds she nodded again. "I see."

She hung up after just a minute, her frown never leaving her face.

"Well Neptune, looks like you lucked out this time."

"How so?" The CPU smiled, leaning in.

"The people of Earth have this rule, and some countries abuse it more than others. Those Koreans from the Democratic People's Republic of Korea, they won't allow you to touch a single one of their staff without violating the rule- no matter what."

"Geez, that sounds stupid!" Neptune smirked, only happy that she didn't have to work that day.

"So.. what's the rule?" Nepgear asked plainly and softly.

Histoire sighed. "Diplomatic Immunity."

* * *

 **Hey hey hey!**

 **I haven't seen a story like this yet, and I think it's going to be a fun story to write and read.**

 **An actual, _real story_ this time that will be continued in due time- but I'm writing an other story as well. **

**Don't expect swift updates... but if you like the idea so far, feel free to _Follow/Favorite_ and leave a R _eview!_**


	2. Chapter 2

With his hair still a little wet from his hasty shower, Perry had to rush over to the Basilicom as soon as he finished. The incident with the Koreans was definitely unfortunate, but issues like that had to be anticipated and dealt with accordingly. No cancellations could be made.

The Ambassador stood in the lobby of Planeptune's Basilicom with Quincy, his guard, not far from his left. It was a big futuristic room that almost made him drop his jaw in awe, and behind him was a long circular wall lined with windows.

This was a big event, and a sea of paparazzi looked through the tall windows of the entryway, each cameraman or reporter aching to get a good shot of Histoire meeting the Terran for the first time.

"I'm terribly sorry I'm late." Perry apologized with his hands at his sides.

Was he supposed to shake her hand? He felt that would be best, but they might have different customs concerning this type of formal greeting. Not to mention she's really, really tiny.

"It's no trouble at all," The Tome reassured with a friendly smile. "It was unfortunate that such…" she paused, thinking of the right word. "Unpleasant and uncalled for actions had occurred this morning. Please, come inside!"

She waved him inside, and turned around to float past the reception and towards an elevator.

Perry followed, a little hesitant and anxious, but felt reassured when Quincy met him on his left.

"I'll follow close behind," The guard whispered into Perry's ear. "We should be safe here, all things considered. Backup is less than five minutes out in case of an emergency."

Ambassador Bennings nodded at the reassuring message and stepped forwards. He shouldn't be put in any sort of harm in his time here, but today's events unnerved him, if just a little. His encounter with Neptune also added to the unease due to her unpredictability.

He stepped into the elevator with a bead of nervous sweat condensing above his cheek. Quincy stepped in as well, and then the doors closed immediately behind them.

Histoire was the only Gamindustrian in the elevator, which helped to ease his nerves, but his heart was still beating fast. He hoped that the oracle couldn't see it.

Everything about this felt too informal for the ambassador, who was trained to expect a different type of greeting before a meeting. Of course this was a different world, so he had to just go along with whatever Histoire made him do.

After a minute of riding along in silence, he felt that something had to be done.

"How's the weather?" Perry started, trying to ease the awkward ride with small talk.

"It's been fine!" Histoire almost gasped, a bit surprised at his words. "Sky has been clear all week, but I hear we'll be getting rain this weekend." She frowned a little at that.

"Why so… surprised? Is this like an awkward thing to ask or something?" Perry asked impulsively, eyes widening as soon has he finished speaking. That was rude of him… what was he thinking?

"I… um…" Histoire blushed, rubbing the back of her tiny neck with her miniature hands. "I'm not used to people making small talk. I spend too much time with Neptune and her friends- I mean the other Goddesses! The other CPUs." She nodded, trying to put up an official posture despite her slip up.

The elevator dinged at the sixteenth floor, just before Perry could ask anything else. He was still really curious about the other CPUs, along with just about everything else about this world. He hoped to clear some things up today, but this was supposed to be a very formal introduction.

A meeting to establish cultural exchanges and lay down some ground rules. Discussing the basics of diplomacy with what essentially are aliens.

Histoire led the two down an empty corridor, past several offices and into a wide meeting room.

The room gave off a sense of power due to the tremendous view granted through a glass wall, and the morning light cast itself across a long oval table in the middle of the room. Shadows from various pieces of furniture were cast across a light blue rug, one that felt too homey to be an official meeting room.

"Please do take a seat…" Histoire started, her voice turning into a mutter. "Where's Neptune and Nepgear? I could've swore they were in here before I came down to greet you all…"

There was a bump under the table, and a light female voice emitted a sharp cry of pain.

"Neptune! What are you doing under the table?" Histoire demanded, floating down low.

"I wanted to give you all a good ol' scare," The Goddess of Planeptune snickered from between two chairs. "But Nep junior left before I finished talking! How rude!" Just then, Neptune poked her purple-haired head out from between the chairs. "Right Perry?"

This was supposed to be a… formal meeting… right?

Ambassador Bennings tugged at his collar, stifling an innate desire to burst out laughing. He looked away, up into the horizon.

"Geez, what's up with you?" Neptune turned to face Quincy, whose face was beet red from the painstaking effort of trying not to laugh alongside Perry. "Hey, bad nickname dude, you agree with me right? It's rude to just leave before someone finishes speaking, right? Right?"

"Okay Neptune," Histoire interrupted, getting both pissed and embarrassed at Neptune's immature, awkward behavior. "Get in your seat and stop digging yourself a deeper hole. Please, you promised to be on your best behavior!"

Neptune pulled two of the chairs closer together, with her head between them like a sandwich.

"That was only after you said you would take away my games. And you know that's impossible, right?"

Histoire raised a finger to rebuke Neptune's blunt statement, but it was in vain. She sighed, defeated.

"Just…" The oracle halfheartedly floated over to a seat on one end of the table. "Mr. Bennings, please take your seat."

Perry complied, and sat down across from the Tome. He had a briefcase with him, and he set it down on top of the table, retrieving several documents and a pen. He spread them out accordingly in front of him.

Neptune poked her head out from the chairs, curious. Quincy took his position on Perry's left, his eyes not leaving Neptune for a moment as he adjusted his grip on his weapon.

"Neptune, please sit down."

"No. I like it here."

"Neptune…" Histoire paused. "How about you transform, show Perry what your other form looks like."

"I don't feel like it." Neptune retorted instantly.

"Do you want dessert tonight?" The oracle pulled her trump card, and Neptune gasped.

"Wowza! That was a low blow, Histy!" Neptune crawled out from under the table wearing her best pouty face. "You can't just use pudding as a bartering chip! That's like illegal!"

As Neptune inched towards a chair directly to Perry's left, Histoire snapped.

"No, Neptune," She groaned out of annoyance. "That's not illegal, and I will take away snack privileges if you don't do as I say!" Histoire took a breath, raising her voice as she grew more and more upset. You're embarrassing our country!"

The CPU of Gamindustri crept up to Perry's side. "You know," She whispered quickly. "I got a secret pudding stash in the closet on the fourth floor. Tell no one- I'll share some when Histy calms down."

Neptune winked, then stepped away, towards the glass wall.

"Alright Histy, since you asked so nicely I'll transform. But that means crazy tons of pudding tonight! Right?" Histoire opened her mouth, but was too slow to interject. "Good!" Neptune concluded instantly.

And as soon as she finished, she spun around, facing a bewildered Quincy.

"You!" She pointed at the guard. "No peeking! You could go blind."

Quincy raised his eyebrows as high up as they could go, taking a step back.

And then Neptune closed her eyes, starting to glow.

And glow.

And glow.

And glow.

Right up until it became too unbearable for the two humans to keep their eyes squinted, and had to cover their sensitive eyes with their arms.

Then it died down, slowly but surely.

Once it came to a stop, Perry opened his eyes, each pupil darting around the room for the familiar purple-haired girl. To his amazement, she was totally and inexplicably replaced with a much taller, more mature, bodysuit-clad woman with long purple braids.

Was she Neptune?

 _She couldn't be… it just made no sense at all…_

"Hmm… you look a lot different from this angle, Ambassador." She spoke, striding towards the chair on Perry's left. Once she got in front of the chair, she continued. "I am CPU Purple Heart, Goddess of Planeptune. In my other form," She turned her attention to face Histoire. "I understand I am not easy to work with. For that, I apologize."

"Now," She sat herself down in her chair, surveying the room. "Shall we get started?"

* * *

"All in all, I'm going to be be very excited to start working alongside you and your nation, Mr. Bennings. These first few trade deals are certainly going to affect both our nations positively, but I wouldn't expect any new ones for a while."

Neptune, in her HDD form known as Purple Heart, said as she led the concluding remarks of the meeting.

"After all, we wouldn't want these materials, toys and commodities to fall into the wrong hands, now would we?"

Perry cleared his dry throat, tired after almost two hours of talking. "Of course."

"But about your request for more personnel in our dimension…" Histoire said loudly, catching everyone's attention. "I'd like to keep it as it is right now. Too many people to be accounted for would only lead to disaster, and as you know we are opening even more embassies during the remainder of this week. It's best to take things easy at first. Too many languages and countries with individual requests can only lead to, well, a disaster, as I have already said."

"You'll have to make do with what manpower you have right now." Purple Heart finished for Histoire. "If it becomes an issue, we can arrange for you to hire people locally."

Perry Bennings smiled. "I think we will be fine, but if the need arises we can follow through with a request. Thank you." He nodded.

"If that's everything that we need to go over, then I think this meeting is concluded." Histoire said, shuffling all her papers into one pile.

"Agreed. It was good to meet you, Histoire." Perry stood up and out of his chair, briefcase in hand.

"Likewise." The oracle sighed, finally at ease. After the first few minutes, she was getting worried that Neptune would butcher this whole meeting for good, ruining diplomatic relations permanently.

But she sighed too soon.

In the time that it took for the two officials to wrap things up, Neptune had transformed back into her human form and suddenly grabbed Perry's wrist.

"C'mon Pear Pear! Let's snag some pudding!" The CPU shouted with a devilish grin.

"Wait, what!?" Perry gasped, turning his head to face Quincy.

The poor guard had to keep watch for two hours, but was given a chair to sit in sometime during the meeting. His groggy eyes snapped open as soon as he heard the ambassador cry out.

"Whoa, what?" He abruptly yelled, fumbling for his gun. He leapt to his feet and made a run for the official in vain, as Neptune had already darted out the door.

As soon as the door swung open, another girl gasped, jumping back and away from the doorframe. "Oh my Goodness!"

Histoire floated over the the door and looked out, and Quincy accelerated into a sprint for the door.

"Mr. Quincy, they will be alright, no need to run." Histoire said, crestfallen. "You won't be able to catch up with them anyways."

"W-what?" He stammered, slowing down to a halt at the door. After a moment of catching his breath, Quincy turned to face the newcomer. "Okay… and who are you?"

"I- I'm Nepgear, Neptune's sister. Are you the ambassador?" Nepgear said, heart still racing from the door bursting open in front of her.

"No, I'm just his guard." He heaved, stepping out of the doorway.

"Nepgear, what are you doing here? You missed the meeting." Histoire asked.

"I left the room to get you. Neptune was plotting something again, and I thought you were in her room. As it turned out, Noire, Blanc and Vert got here early and had settled down there. I had to keep them occupied until the meeting finished… are you finished?"

"Yes, we are…" Histoire started, gazing down the hall. "But we are missing our two most important persons."

"She said something about pudding before running off." Quincy stated, now fully recovered from his short dash.

"Huh." Nepgear sighed. "Knowing my sister, she'll probably be going to her room right now. I'd better meet her there!"

As soon as she started to back away, Quincy spoke up. "I best go with her." But before he departed, a sudden urge overtook the man. A question that he didn't quite want to be answered needed to be answered.

"Histoire," He faced the tome, who hovered right in front of his face. "Does this kind of stuff normally happen?" He asked, his voice full of dread.

Histoire grimaced, rubbing the back of her neck. "Y- yes."

"Well, shit."

* * *

"Gee, now that was a doozy!" Neptune smiled as she barged into the Goddess's living quarters, two cups of pudding in one hand and two spoons in the other. "I could feel my eyelids clamping down like ferocious tigers! It was a fight for survival for sure."

"But you were kinda the most active out of all of us…" Perry mentioned, hesitantly following the bold CPU.

The room, much like the meeting room, had a wall lined with glass. The rug was soft to the touch, and in the center of the room was a big purple couch with beanbags in front of it. A large television stood atop a table against the wall, and the whole setup was occupied by three girls with fire in their eyes.

In each of their hands was a remote, and the TV screen was split in three, a shooter game sounding off loudly from each corner.

"C'mon Vert, stop knifing!" A girl with black twintails growled, pulling her remote up to her chest. "This is a shooter game, not one of your damn MMOs!"

With near perfect posture, a blonde responded with no words, only a press of a button. And a chuckle. The sound of a blade tearing through flesh erupted from the television, and the black- haired girl groaned.

"You're so easy to pick on, Noire." The blonde, Vert, smiled.

"I- I am not!" Noire retaliated. "I'm just upset when I need to be upset."

"And now, over a game, is the best time to be upset?" A brown haired girl sitting on a beanbag smirked.

"N- No!" Noire stammered, the game's immersion broken. "Blanc, I just- just-"

Another knife kill sounded off, and Noire groaned again.

Defeated and waiting to respawn, the twintailed girl's wandering eyes spotted Neptune and Perry at the door.

"Oh hey Neptune," Her eyes widened at the sight of the man with the briefcase. "Wait a minute… you're that ambassador fellow aren't you?"

The game paused, and the two other girls turned to face Perry. He awkwardly stood in the doorway, not sure on what to do. This… wasn't in his job description. Are these people Neptune's friends or something?

"Yes, I am ambassador Perry Bennings. I'm here to represent the United States on official business to Planeptune's Basilicom..." Perry said, rubbing his chin with his free hand.

"Oh, okay." Noire smiled. "You're new here."

Vert scooched over, patting the freed section of couch beside her. "Would you like a seat? If you hurry, you can grab the fourth remote before Neptune." She paused, seeing Perry's perplexed expression. "The name's Vert, by the way."

Blanc set her remote on the ground in front of her beanbag, eyes studying Perry's own.

"I'm Blanc." She said quietly, but loud enough for the ambassador to hear her. "I can tell you're not used to this. You're going to want to get used to it. Fast. This is how things work around here."

Perry winced. He was always a fan of having a good time and all, but not while on the job. Most definitely not in the presence of world leaders. He had the common sense to piece together that these were also Goddesses of the other countries. Had he read up sufficiently the night before, he might've known which country they led.

"Hey guys, stop messing with the new guy!" Neptune teased, and the triad of sitting CPUs blinked. They weren't messing with him, right? "Of course I'm getting the fourth remote!"

But before she could launch herself onto an unoccupied bean bag, a loud, obnoxious phone rang in Neptune's pocket. It's ringing and buzzing couldn't be as easily ignored as Histoire's lectures, and thus Neptune groaned in displeasure.

In a slump, Neptune reached her hand down and into one of her hoodie pockets, pulling out her N-Gear.

"Hold up guys, who's calling me? It's like a private number or something! Geez."

She flipped it on, and the rest of the CPUs alongside Perry waited patiently.

* * *

"Hello? Did I get the right number?" A strange man's voice filtered through the phone's speakers.

"You've reached CPU Neptune! Unless you got something big or nasty to tell me, you outta scram buddyroo! This Goddess got no time for phone calls!"

"Ah, yes. The right number. Very, very good. My name is President Trump with a capital 'P', but since we're world leaders and stuff you can call me Donald. Special privilege, I know."

"Hold up for a second." Neptune placed her palm over the microphone, and looked up at the other people in the room. "This guy says he's peppermint trumpet. Should I hang up?"

"Peppermint trumpet?" Vert repeated in confusion.

"Wait, what?" Perry blurted. "I think that's the president. Keep talking, keep talking!" He backed away with wide eyes, kinda freaking out on the inside.

"Hello? Is anyone still there?" Trump said through the phone.

Neptune lifted her palm off the microphone and pressed the phone against her ear. "My sources are calling you some hotshot presenter or something, but I want none of your merch, bub!"

"Whoa there. It's President with a capital 'P'. It's a mistake. Mistakes happen. Believe me, I know my mistakes, very, very well. They happen a lot."

"Okay, mister President Trump, I don't know why you're calling me-"

"I called to let you know that the United States is behind you 100%, Moon Jae-in. Or is it Moon Jay in? Moon Jay een? That doesn't sound right. One second, please be cool, let me ask Pence."

Unlike Neptune, Trump didn't cover the microphone and the people on the receiving end could hear everything Trump was saying to Pence. Neptune put the phone on speaker mode, just so she could hear better.

"Wait. This is that dimension girl you were talking about? You need to clarify this, like before we start the call. This is really, really embarrassing. Wait, what do you mean we did? Okay. Pence my man, make sure the fake news CNN doesn't pick this up. Or the chinese. That would be a total disaster."

"Okay. So apparently you're not South Korea, so I need to speak like we are meeting for the first time."

A faint voice in the background told Trump that he was already.

"Oh, okay." Trump could be heard turning back to the phone. "Neptune, I called to tell you that the United States is behind you 100%."

"Wait up," Neptune smiled. "By 100% you mean everything? Like total, 100% coverage of everything?"

"Wrong." Trump stated. "I was talking about those nasty North Koreans terrorizing the people. I think it was the people."

"Was it the people?" Trump said to Pence.

"Okay, it was our embassy. Like I said, mistakes happen. All the time. I have the most respect for our embassies, and other countries. Just ask China. Huuuge success. Have you seen how successful I've been with China? It's been nothing but success."

"Okay…" Neptune trailed off. "But you said you were behind us, right? What's the best pudding in the United States? I want like ten of them, please!"

"A deal? I'm really, really great with deals. You want pudding? I'll give you loads of pudding. But it's going to cost you. Ask our ambassador. He'll make that happen. Our ambassadors make the best deals. Believe me, our people make the best deals. Have you seen Mexico? They're bad people. Make bad trades. Have you even seen NAFTA? Terrible, terrible trade deal."

"Okay…" Neptune trailed off again. "But I get the pudding right?"

"Oh yeah. Trade is super important for countries and stuff. I'm the President, I know these things. But I need to stop talking now. Pence says that the call rates between dimensions is really expensive. It's going over my budget. I have the biggest budgets. Have you seen them? They're even bigger than my hands-"

The call dropped, and Neptune smiled. She tucked her phone into her pocket with a single fluid motion and latched onto Perry.

"So… Trumpster said I can have pudding." She raised her eyebrows. "So…?"

"So we can talk tomorrow. I need a drink. And a break." Ambassador Bennings sighed, overwhelmed at everything that had gone down so far.

And the day wasn't even close to being over.

* * *

 **Sorry if this chapter felt rushed, I'm running out of time as it is.**

 **I hope you all enjoyed! Chapters might come slow, but I'm really excited on what's going to come next. So that might encourage more speed.**

 **If you're up to it, feel free to drop a follow for reminders on when the story is updated, a favorite if you're really liking the way it's going or a review if you're that keen and cool. Or spotted one of my numerous mistakes. I read all of them, and love them all. Even if it's one word.**

 **Until the next chapter, _(_ _insert departure word)_!**


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